Now I know that my family is going to see this site, so I'm totally not meaning to say anything bad about them. I do want to tell my story as I see it though. But as for any hard feelings, I am over it. Well, mostly. I don't blame my mom for anything. I blame society and sick f*cks like that principal, among other non-related adults.

So I grew up a total outcast, but that didn't change me. No, it takes about 30 years to boil over with hate and anger. (Haha) But I did grow up feeling very alone, unloved, unwanted and uncared about. I didn't have much opportunity to develop as a person while growing up because of how extremely sheltered I was. I've described to my friends before my earlier childhood being like a prison, a boot camp, and a convent. But I'm going to skip most of that out of respect for my family. As I said, I'm pretty much over it, and my beef is with the rest of society, not my family. So I'll just concentrate on telling the story of my adulthood.

I became homeless later in my teen years after a lot of problems at home, which I now believe stemmed from early childhood when the adults of my schools so maliciously convinced my mom that I was some kind of horrible problem child. So instead of being embraced for the intelligent and good kid that I thought I was and that I wanted to be, I was cast out and resigned to follow the life path of a bad seed.

But I didn't stay here where there are no resources. I went to Seattle. It was as far away from here as my sheltered teenage mind could come up with at the time. I spent a few years living on the streets, sleeping in squat houses, alleys, parking garages, teen shelters, and a homeless camp in the bushes under a big I-5 overpass. In that time I got involved with a group that works with homeless kids and advocates for homeless rights and such. I was one of the orignial kids that started the group, which became a full fledged United Way organization sometime after I had come home to WV. Here is their official site: PSKS.org. If anyone out there sees this - this is Phoenix. ;) I go by Ashe these days.

So since I've been back in WV, I've gotten a computer degree. I went through a "phase" for several years of trying to be normal and to do the right thing - to get a degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, live and be just like everybody else, right? But looking back, I feel forced and coerced into signing up for college, like any other high-pressure salesman signing you up for something you really don't want and don't need. Anyway, the plan was to get my Associates, get a job, and go on to get a Bachelors and live the yuppie life. Anyway, as you can probably guess, I went to a local community college to begin with. I'm not naming names, so this falls under free speech which is granted to me under the First Amendment.

But I can tell you that I was completely lied to. I have found out the school does in fact place it's THIN graduates into secure jobs, but completely denies that they offer any job search assistance at all to their fat and/or poor graduates. In my eyes, they are nothing but liars, theives and con artists, ripping off poor people like myself who come from the poorest of families. I don't have the words to express my hate for that school and their "Career Services" person, whose job it is to send graduates to employers. And by the way, my overall GPA was a 3.87. I was told that I was one of the best & brightest. And for the record, I'm a responsible person. If I had been placed in a job, I'd still be there or have gone on to a better job. I'd have over five years of solid work history if not for their prejudice. As far as I'm concerned, they owe me for the past five years' salary that I could have earned had they not denied me job placement, plus for the emotional pain and suffering! Any lawyers out there want to take on a case with a pay out of well over $100,000??

But the prejudice in this town is certainly not limited to just one educational institution or just one employer. Trying hard for the past five years to find a job, no one has given me a job on my own. I've applied mostly for data entry jobs, something I should be able to do with my education in computers and ability to type in excess of 60 words per minute. I believe that another educational institution did away with their pre-employment typing tests for clerical and data entry positions on the account of me passing their test with double the required typing speed and characters per hour. I was given excuse after excuse on the phone and hung up on when calling to ask about my application status and placement. The following year, they did away with the typing test. I wonder why?? Is it because you can't have a *gasp* fat person working for you?!? *Gasp* Oh heavens, no! That would just be the end of the world, wouldn't it?!

Yeah, when I was pressured into signing up for college with promises of job placement and a future in computers, no one ever told me you had to be a size 2 or smaller to sit on your ass typing away at a computer all alone in a back room where no one sees you!

So, in conclusion, employment discrimination is completely out of control in this area. When I was a kid, this was a working class town where all the poor people could get minimum wage jobs and at least survive. Then by the time I was 16 and old enough to work, the yuppies had taken over and no one ever gave me my first job. And even with a computer degree and the niaeve belief that it was an important accomplishment and qualified me for an entry-level position, no one ever gave me my first data entry or clerical job either.

Now over five years later, I'm pissed off and hate the world. And for all those that would send hate mail and say that I'm a horrible person, let me just tell you right now to not walk into a battle of wits unarmed. This is my argument:

There was a time when I would have said I was always a good person, and to some degree still maintain that I am not the bad person that everyone has always believed me to be. But if someone is told all of their life that they are a certain way, that they are bad or what not, that gets imprinted in your mind, so you either become what it is that you are told that you are, or it becomes you. A person can only take so much -- you can only be put down, kicked down, held down, kept down, held back, dumped on and defeated so much, before you either succumb to dispair and take your own life, or fill with rage and rebel against the injustices aginst you. I am a mix of both. There are days I don't feel like going on and days I feel like beating the livin' hell out of someone.

But I know that I don't have to justify myself to anyone. I know that I've been unfairly discriminated against. I know that this whole town has rejected me in favor of anorexic teenagers, rich kids and the less intelligent.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I'm also partially disabled after having sharp, pointy objects twisted around my lower back at the base of my spine. This happened when I was 20 and I haven't been able to walk or stand for more than a couple of minutes since, so I literally can not work the physical labor McJobs that only a select few lower class people are able to obtain these days.

Anyhow, all I do now is try my best to take care of my elderly grandmother and my cats. I have no income and we can no longer afford basic necessities like food and medicine. I know that I face a lifetime of homelessness in the future because I have no one else to turn to and I honestly don't see any of the upper class silver spoon types who own all the businesses ever giving a poor class person like me a job. The most I can hope for in life is that I will have a car to live in, because it's the only roof over my head that I might be able to actually obtain. I've searched endlessly for employment, help, and social services, and there is nothing out there for me in this world. Being poor is a fate of absolute hoplessness.

Which brings me to this website. I had been contemplating putting up a strictly personal site for a while now, before getting the idea to make a personal and professional site in one. I've always wanted the chance to tell the story of my life and to let the world know about all the injustice and discrimination I've faced. And having a web site will also showcase my talents and computer geekiness to all the local employers that have rejected me based on my weight, disability and socioeconomic class. I also hoped that I could earn some money through afilliate programs, since those require that you own your own website to join. I also got the idea to create a site for other poor and low income people that are desperately searching for a way to earn some money, or at the very least, show them what's what on the internet and let them benefit from my experience by sharing links to other sites, services and resources that may help them, if even just to show you where you can get stuff pretty cheap.

I do hope this will grow in to one of the premier sites on the internet to raise awareness about the struggles of the poor and the issues of poverty, homelessness and classism. I would like all poor people who read this to share your stories with me to be put up on this website. Let the world know that you exist and will not be ignored!